When communication fails…communicate some more!

Alan and I are both suffering from really really  bad bouts of depression for the last several months (for entirely different reasons). Unfortunately neither one of us have gone to see someone to talk to about it, nor have we gone to the doctor to see about meds. I normally take Zoloft for my depression as a daily preventative for my migraines; but alas I am almost out… and I’ve been uber horrible about taking them on a consistent basis for like the last year (because I suck).

So things have been kinda rough for us for the past month or so. We haven’t been as cuddly, we’ve been kind of quick to anger, and in general we’ve been a little, well, not “us.” And it fucking sucks! I miss the way our relationship the way we’re used to it! Because our relationship usually is lots of hand holding and groping and sex and laughter and little touches and kisses and kittens and rainbows dammit! And we haven’t had rainbows for a bit now (booooo).

So a few weeks ago we sat down and had the uncomfortable conversation of what was on his mind that needed fixing in our relationship. Namely, I’ve started seeing a new person (I know I know.. I need to seriously update you guys on all this!!!) and I didn’t communicate with Alan effectively about it. Which is totally my bad and something I need to work on. The issue is, is that with his being hard wired mono, I never know exactly what to say to him, ie how much details to give him. So I point blank told him that, finally, and he told me, finally, what he needs. He needs me to tell him when I’m dating someone new. Don’t skirt around the issue and be all like, “I’m gonna go hang out with my friend Te,” which really means, “so yeah… I’m going on a date with Te and possibly doing other stuff but I don’t want to say that because I don’t want to hurt you or punch you in your crazy.”

So there it is, I’m dating, casually???, Te. And I’ll dive more into that whole thing later.

The other reason that this upset Alan is because when I originally told him that I was crushing on Te, I said that I told Te that it wasn’t exactly the best time to be getting in a new relationship. Which it wasn’t. I’m dealing with family issues, Alan’s kitty recently passed away (a major contributing factor to his depression), and we’re both dealing with depression so things between us are a little shaky. But instead of only saying “It’s probably not the best time to be getting in a new relationship” I should have followed up that thought with “But I’m going to do it anyways.”

After our conversation there was a lot of reaffirmation of love and promises to endeavor to be better in communicating things (on my end), and other such necessities.

Then this past weekend was my turn to tell him what I’m missing and what I need: more physical reaffirmation. I miss the making out (like you couldn’t tell from my previous post) and the hand holding and kissing and all the little touches and all that stuff (see above). Unfortunately me telling him about what he’s NOT doing made me think that I was eluding to me leaving him… which is sooooo NOT what I was trying to say! The exact opposite actually! What I was saying was: hey you there! Alan! I love you, like a whole metric fuck ton, and I need you to put your arms and lips and other parts of you close to me and on me so that I can feel your love!

So there it is… communication. And it kinda failed a bit… so we had to do more of it. I have to assure him that I’m not gettin luvins elsewhere while he’s all depressed, and I need him to assure me that his luvins are coming my way soon-ish.

Basically the whole point of this post is this:: talk to each other for crying out loud! You need to have the difficult talks! If either of you just fucking skirt around the issue, then you’re not telling your partner what you need from them. And that is disrespectful to you, your partner, and your relationship. If you’re going to have a relationship, and especially if you’re going to have multiple relationships, then have the balls to have the fucking difficult talks. Be an adult!!!

*endrant*

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Atlanta Poly Weekend (APW) June 6-8

I have once again signed up to be a presenter at Atlanta Poly Weekend. This year the theme is “Bringing Sexy Back,” and I am over the moon excited!!! I have so many ideas for classes that I would love to host. Please let me know if you would like to come. The tickets are an amazing rate, the rooms are awesome and not expensive, and you will have a fucking blast! I promise you!!! It’s at the Holiday Inn Perimeter Dunwoody; and until March 31st tickets are $50. If you are helping me out with a panel, I can get you tickets for $25…but I need to know ASAP if you want to help me with any of the following panels I may be doing.

So… without further ado…the classes I will be presenting! Squee!

THE ART OF MAKING OUT: this will begin with a discussion of what can be considered “making out.” Then the fun begins; learn hands on (participation is encouraged, not required) how to get your partner(s) in the mood. It’s not just about the scrompings people, it’s about the journey towards the big O! Touch, words, breath, etc. will be covered. This is sure to get you in the mood for a fantastic convention!

SEXY TIMES WITH DISABILITIES: When you have a disability having the energy to have sex with one partner is difficult enough. How do you manage multiple partners?! This open dialogue will delve into the world of how to make sure you and all of your partners feel the love.

I’M A CHUBBY BUNNY AND I LOVE SEX!: Let’s talk about our bodies! Let’s explore what we like and don’t like about our bodies, and how to embrace whatever form we have and relish in it with ourselves and with our partner(s). This can either be an open discussion or a more hands on approach depending on the audience.

HOW TO STRIPTEASE: Ever want to blow your partner away with a sexy lap dance but been too afraid/unsure of how to go about it? Learn how! I’m not an “expert,” which I think will make the class even more hysterical and real! How to pick music, work with the clothes and props you have, and how to be carefree about turning on your partner(s).

SEXTING: this was a request from a friend. Are you a newb to the world of sexting? Get tips from a pro! ME!!! How to get turned on and turn on through the digital world.

BRINGING KINK INTO THE BEDROOM (BDSM 101): Want to spice up your love life? Explore the fantastic world of kink! How to add sprinkles to your vanilla routine, or taste the full on rainbow baby! Demonstrations, implements to check out, and discussion. Huzzah! Everything from holding down your partner(s) hands to wax play and everything in between.

I might also make another stand up comedy appearance at the talent show, which will include a lot of dirty words and naughty topics! Come and see me make a fool out of myself! Be entertained by my blushing!

I really am truly excited to share in this amazing event once again. I met some fantastically awesome people last year that have resulted in really great friendships. All people are accepted, and comfort and safe space is of upmost importance to me and to the committee. If you have any questions about it please feel free to either ask me, or visit APW’s website: http://www.atlantapolyweekend.com