Atlanta Poly Weekend (APW) June 6-8

I have once again signed up to be a presenter at Atlanta Poly Weekend. This year the theme is “Bringing Sexy Back,” and I am over the moon excited!!! I have so many ideas for classes that I would love to host. Please let me know if you would like to come. The tickets are an amazing rate, the rooms are awesome and not expensive, and you will have a fucking blast! I promise you!!! It’s at the Holiday Inn Perimeter Dunwoody; and until March 31st tickets are $50. If you are helping me out with a panel, I can get you tickets for $25…but I need to know ASAP if you want to help me with any of the following panels I may be doing.

So… without further ado…the classes I will be presenting! Squee!

THE ART OF MAKING OUT: this will begin with a discussion of what can be considered “making out.” Then the fun begins; learn hands on (participation is encouraged, not required) how to get your partner(s) in the mood. It’s not just about the scrompings people, it’s about the journey towards the big O! Touch, words, breath, etc. will be covered. This is sure to get you in the mood for a fantastic convention!

SEXY TIMES WITH DISABILITIES: When you have a disability having the energy to have sex with one partner is difficult enough. How do you manage multiple partners?! This open dialogue will delve into the world of how to make sure you and all of your partners feel the love.

I’M A CHUBBY BUNNY AND I LOVE SEX!: Let’s talk about our bodies! Let’s explore what we like and don’t like about our bodies, and how to embrace whatever form we have and relish in it with ourselves and with our partner(s). This can either be an open discussion or a more hands on approach depending on the audience.

HOW TO STRIPTEASE: Ever want to blow your partner away with a sexy lap dance but been too afraid/unsure of how to go about it? Learn how! I’m not an “expert,” which I think will make the class even more hysterical and real! How to pick music, work with the clothes and props you have, and how to be carefree about turning on your partner(s).

SEXTING: this was a request from a friend. Are you a newb to the world of sexting? Get tips from a pro! ME!!! How to get turned on and turn on through the digital world.

BRINGING KINK INTO THE BEDROOM (BDSM 101): Want to spice up your love life? Explore the fantastic world of kink! How to add sprinkles to your vanilla routine, or taste the full on rainbow baby! Demonstrations, implements to check out, and discussion. Huzzah! Everything from holding down your partner(s) hands to wax play and everything in between.

I might also make another stand up comedy appearance at the talent show, which will include a lot of dirty words and naughty topics! Come and see me make a fool out of myself! Be entertained by my blushing!

I really am truly excited to share in this amazing event once again. I met some fantastically awesome people last year that have resulted in really great friendships. All people are accepted, and comfort and safe space is of upmost importance to me and to the committee. If you have any questions about it please feel free to either ask me, or visit APW’s website: http://www.atlantapolyweekend.com

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So what should we consider “sex”? *possible triggery post*

So what people construe as sex varies from person to person, culture to community. What I think of as sex is vastly different from most, and even then my ideology of sex evolves as I do.

Let me give a little bit of back story here. The short and dirty of it: I was raped and molested as a teenager- a lot. People I loved and trusted forced themselves upon me, and older men that I only knew as acquaintances did so as well. I became to believe that the only reason a male conversed with me or showed any interest in me was because he wanted my body in some way. So I concluded that in order for a man to fall in love with me I had to give over my body, that I had to pleasure him. But I only wanted to have sex with someone I could make love to, because I equated having sex with someone I was in love with. But I needed him to fall in love with me, and thus needed to use my body to achieve this. So I ended up giving a lot of head. A lot. I remember times where I was floating above my body watching what was happening like a scene in a movie. I dissociated myself from my corporeal form in order to not feel like a “bad girl,” “whore,” “slut,” “dirty,” etc. In my mind, oral was just an extension of “making out.”

Apparently I share similar views of sex with prostitutes. Even while trying to stay away from the stereotype I became it?

Alan and I disagree what all making out entails. I think to him it’s kissing, and petting over clothes? To me it’s up to and including oral. So I started thinking about this yesterday and today. And I’ve come to the realization that I have no fucking clue what to consider “making out,” and what to consider “sex.” The concept of it, for me, has changed since I was a teenager. I’ve come out of the closet in both my sexuality and in how I view partnerships.

Two girls having sex, by its very definition, is different from two men, or a man and a woman. And then if you add into the mix a female/male gendered person that isn’t aligned with their given body, then it gets even more complicated!!

Sex cannot simply mean penetration. Because if this is the case, then fingering someone, or using a non-real penis, is considered sex. But is fingering sex? Or is it a part of making out?

Is it sex when you’re engaging in heavy petting with clothes on? Clothes off?

Is sex whenever you have an orgasm? Or when there is the possibility of orgasm?

Can there be non-physical sex? What if you’re with a partner and you have like tantric breathing that results in a very intimate shared moment, and possibly even the achievement of orgasm, but there is no touching of any sort?

And if you and your partner truly differ in what you think of as “sex,” then trying to navigate polyamory or boundaries of what is and is not acceptable with another person becomes infinitely more complicated!!!!

Add into the mix that in today’s technology world we have cyber sex, cyber relationships, cyber dates, etc. Is it cheating if you have an online relationship with someone, but you never meet, never even talk on the phone? But you share yourself, your thoughts and desires, with someone you’ve never met; and possibly masturbate to reading what someone else writes to you… is that sex? Is that cheating? And if so, then what is the difference between cyber, porn, and getting off from a really steamy book? The author/filmmaker created it to get people all hot and bothered.. and in a way specifically for you, in both the individual and in the collective sense. So is that cheating/sex?

There certainly is no right or wrong answer. There is definitely not any black and white. There is a multitude of rainbow shades in a spectrum that changes from every encounter, every new input, from moment to moment.

I know that what is important and necessary is not the definition itself, but the communication of it with your partner/s and with yourself. We need to get out of this acceptance of slut shaming. We need to forget the antiquated modal of the Madonna and the Whore. Sex is something that is in all of us. We need to stop being so fucking prudish! Embrace our sexuality, embrace our bodies, embrace pleasure, embrace others. And we fucking need to stop getting so damned wrapped up in bashing others or ourselves.

Maybe sex is any moment of true intimacy with ourself or with another person. In a moment where we bare our soul to the world, in any rapturous moment of bliss, maybe that is “sex.”

Damn.. I’ve had a lot of sex with chocolate then! 😉

Much love as always. And for gods sake, go out and have some fun boinking and fun sex!
~Polyleigh