So Saturday I went to a friend’s house (she and I met in college back in ’94, and she was the second girl I ever had a fullblown crush on). There as a group of us playing Cards Against Humanity (think dirty adult Apples to Apples). Of course there was a lot of drinking involved, along with massive amounts of sexual innuendos. How can there not be with CAH? I mean seriously?!
So I was about to leave because I had another game night to go to, but then said friends say the magic phrase, “Why don’t we go look at boobs at the Pink Pony?” So yeah.. sorry other friends, boobs totally won out! So six of us piled into two cars and we made a quick stop at CVS for some energy shots and made our way to the strip club.
It was a fucking shmorgesboard of T&A!!! Where there used to be a smattering of tattoos/piercings on a dancer, it was the rarity when a girl didn’t have something glinting from her naughty bits (not this time but a previous trip to the pony I saw my first ever taint piercing. Look it up, it’s totally a thing) or isn’t covered in ink (at least a tramp stamp or random butterfly or something). One girl had a full set of wings going all the way down her back to her amazingly round bouncy ass. And she had a mohawk!! Gods she was hot!!!! The other thing we noticed was the plethora of girls in glasses. Ok see, I’ve worn glasses my entire life (since I was like 12) and it was never cool; and now strippers are wearing geeky looking glasses as accessories. It blows my mind! My geekiness is finally acceptable and is in fact a fashion statement? So weird.
So anyways, I love all the commentary our table made about the various dancers. And there was a lady walking around selling back massages at your table (she was awesome! Thank you random blonde chick for working out the knots in my back!). And of course we had more booze. One of the girls at our table had a tall asian dancer with big fake tits. She was soooo tall! And, I saw a dancer literally getting the whole “make it rain” happening! Money was floating around her and another dancer had to come out with a big empty booze box and took armfuls of cash to put in the box. Said dancer must’ve had a serious admirer cuz fuck she made the dough that night!
We eventually left and went back to the apartment and six turned to four. We played drunk Magic and I ended up doing a party foul (spilled booze on the cards) so I had to take my shirt off. Oh darn, heaven forbid you tell me to strip! Y’all are lucky that I wear clothes at all!!! Poor Alan, he keeps freaking out when I wander around the house in my panties with our two other roommates that I’m not having any sort of sexy relationship with. He’s all like, “dammit put on a robe!”
Obviously I had had enough to drink and it was soooo fucking late that driving home was not going to happen. So I asked for a pair of boxers or sleepy pants or something, and was given a pair of boxers. The jeans came flying off and thrown somewhere in the bedroom.
Epic quote the next morning after only like an hour or two of sleep: “hey, have any of you seen my pants anywhere?” I never thought in a million years I’d utter those words. And then of course because I slept on the couch, when I call Alan to tell him I’m coming home I say, “my butt hurts.” He’s like, “what the hell did you do last night!?” He couldn’t help but giggle.
Thank you Alan for being such a cool and accepting partner that you let me go out with my friends, get drunk, make out, and then come home smelling like desperation and strippers, and making exclamations about missing clothes and a hurt ass. He said I needed to have a good time… no worries. It was epic!
And now we’re getting a group together to go to the Pony for my birthday next month.
ps.. just in case I’ve somehow never clarified… I fucking loveee making out!