Ok, so for pretty much all of the time I’v e been “actively” poly- i.e. being in an actual poly relationship, I’m used to being the primary. When it was BN, Scot, and me back in college, BN had two other girlfriends, but I eventually became his primary. And I was a big ol fat hypocrite, so I didn’t let Scot have any additional girlfriends; though he was still in love with his best friend from high school.
Anyways, I’m pretty used to my elite status as primary. And having both Scot and Alan, it’s like having your cake and being able to eat it too. I try to be hypersensitive and aware of being equal, especially when the three of us are together. Kiss or hug one? Immediately I’ve got to do the same for my other partner.
Enter the lovely GG (gods I love this girl!). Three turns to four! yay! Our family is complete, and it feels so wonderful!
It’s funny and enlightening to me though- seeing her and Scot’s relationship. I’m starting to see how he sometimes felt when it was he, Alan, and I. Sometimes, even though I’ve tried really hard to be fair, he felt like a third wheel. Last week Scot, GG, and I went out for dinner and a movie. I drove us all. Poor little GG was freezing, so I told Scot to sit in the back and keep her warm. So I played chauffer- it was kinda cute actually. So they’re all nestled together in the back- which was totally fine with me.
We went to see Frankenweine (such an adorable movie!). They were holding hands and whispering the whole time- also adorbs. Scot was eating popcorn, so most of the time he wasn’t holding my hand. Butery popcorn fingers on me, no bueno. He put his hand on my knee for a few minutes at one point. After the movie we went to dinner and they sat together, and I was on the opposite bench. I felt a little sting from Mr. Green. But to be fair, Scot always sits across from me when we go out to eat.
It’s just that all night they were all smooshed up together, and I never got “next to Scot time.” I don’t know why, but I was a smidge jealous. Which is totally stupid I know! I’m so excited for the two of them, and I love GG so much. But for one brief second I felt like somebody stole my favorite well-loved, well-worn toy. And I absolutely HATE that I felt that way for even a second. i talk to Scot about it afterwards, and told him that he needs to learn to manage two girls at once. GG and I call him the midget wrangler! Basically GG and I are like kittens. We both want to be adorable and cute and crave attention all the time. And we have our favorite toy, and we dont’ always want to share. But share we must, taking turns is a part of polyamory. And like kittens, you have to make sure you give lots of love and attention and pettings to all kittens.
It’s so silly that I would feel that way for even a moment. It makes me mad, because I would never want to do anything that would upset either Scot or GG. I love both of them so much. I love that they’re together. I love how true and pure and amazing their love is. And of course they’re all swoony and adorable together! They’re in their honeymoon phase; I can only hope that they will always feel such love for one another.
That night was both positive and negative. Feelings were hurt all around, but they’ve all been resolved. I have to remember that sometimes I can be a little too brash, a little too blunt. I need to be sure that I’m considerate and thoughtful. And Scot has to learn the flipside of polyamory. He has to learn how to navigate having two girls at the same time. 😉
So listen close boys and girls. Polyamory can be a little tricky from time to time. Sometimes things will go along swimmingly, and sometimes there are little hiccups. But the point is to communicate. For everyone to talk and be open and honest. We respect one another’s feelings, and we listen and try to make things better. This is a learning process for each of us. Our family will grow and flourish, and every day together is a blessing.
I love you Alan. I love you Scot. I love you GG. The four of us are an amazing family now. We are so blessed to have each other. Thank you all for being in my life.