expanding family and general goings on

Alan’s birthday was last Saturday! I surprised him with flowers, balloons, presents (he wanted a cast iron skillet- I love my domestic man, new blue sheets, and a scarf to keep his neck warm…he was really happy with his gifties). I took him to play putt putt and he beat me by only 6 strokes! (ehehehe, I said “strokes”). We’ll definitely have to do that again, we had a lot of fun smacking a ball around. I had thrown together a surprise dinner with some friends, but forgot to tell them that it was a surprise for Alan. oops…my bad!  Overall it was an amazing night and he really enjoyed himself. Our group had awesome food, great conversations (mostly about sex b/c well, anytime I’m around conversations always devolve to sex), warm sake to warm our cheeks, and lots of giggles and strange looks while outside Starbucks. I wanted to give him birthday sexins, but it was so late by the time we got back to his house and I had to drive home after dropping him off; so we had to wait until the next day.

When I did get home Scot wasn’t far behind. He had spent the day with GG and apparently they had a reallyyyyyy good time (wink wink nudge nudge). It was pretty funny b/c I told him that when out with Alan, I had found a cute piece of scrapbook paper that I bought so that I can make something for GG of her and Scot. Apparently she’s already maybe, maybe not, already working on a scrapbook of the two of them. It made me giggle. I swear she and I are going to get along reallyyyy well! She is so freaking super awesome! She likes happy food like me! She is like the PERFECTTTTTT girl for Scot!

I told him that I like her very much. She’s beatuiful and sweet and fun and the perfect geek girl (hence the nickname GG). I completely approve and I already think of her as a part of the family. I told Scot that anything that Alan would be invited to, she is automatically invited too. And if it’s something that is just he and I, she is more than welcome to come as well. I think she is a perfect addition to our little family. I can already see her being a part of our holidays, a part of our lives. I don’t want to scare her off- I tend to be a little intense and forwards about such things. So hopefully I don’t freak her out b/c I really really don’t want to screw things up between her and Scot. That being said, I think she is so super uber spiffy that I want her to stick around. I want her to be a part of our lives. I ‘m really excited to see how it goes tomorrow.

Oh, I also signed up for the polymediaassociation thingy; meaning I am wanting to be available for interviews, tv shows, radio, documentaries, etc. Scot and Alan have both agreed to it (though no reality shows)- I’ll need to ask GG too now that she’s a part of our group. I wonder if she’ll want to be a part of the discussion panel at Atlanta Poly Weekend next year? Yay! I’m so excited about that too.

And for those of you wondering… I haven’t seen K in like three weeks or so. 😦 I really  miss him. I’ve had very limited communication with him. I’ve texted him like once or twice a week to let him know that I’m thinking about him, and hoping he’s doing well. He said that he does want to get together with me and hang out, that he misses me. But so far he’s still seeming to remain pretty reserved when talking to me over text. I haven’t the foggiest what it’s going to be like whenever we do see one another. I don’t want it to be awkward. I don’t want there to be tension or hard feelings or any sort of negativity. I still care about him. I still have feelings for him…but I’ve been learning to just kind of box them up and set them aside. More than anything I don’t want to lose his friendship. but as I’ve stated before, since he’s been sort of silent lately, I have no clue what’s going on with him or where his head is at.

I was at Barnes and Noble the other day with a school friend of mine. We were sitting by the magazines, his hand on my leg. I was writing in my journal, and he was reading. He was absent mindedly making little circles on my knee with his finger, and as I was writing I was playing with his neck and hair. It was nice just to be close to a friend, having physical contact, but not worrying about it meaning anything more than just comfort and friendship. I was writing about kissing. I’ll put it under a separate post.

Wow…this is really coming across as flighty stream of consciousness crap writing. Sorry bout that. I just haven’t really posted on here lately and I figured I should let you all know what’s going on in my life. I miss ya’ll! Even if I’ve never met most of you. I hope that my writing, my little viewpoint of life, has some sort of impact upon you readers. I know that when I read ya’lls blogs that I feel a connection to each of you; even if it is somehow small or seemingly insignificant. But if you make a connection with someone, even virtually, is it really insignificant? I think not. We make connections with people so that we feel a part of something. So that we don’t feel so alone. You are not alone dear readers. I am here with you, out in the ether, a little voice, asking to be let in. I want me and my writing to invade you somehow; to become a part of you, to become one with you in some way. To let you know that you are loved, longed for, wanted, needed.

I wonder what you each are thinking and feeling. I wonder what you taste like, what your lips feel like if they were pressed against mine. I wonder what you would think if you were standing in front of me. I wonder what your heart longs for, what your deepest desires are. Do you realize that it’s quite ok to have dark desires, to fulfill your fantasies? What do you lust for? Long for? Need? Want? Divulge your secrets to me…

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