So it’s Thursday- which means that after classes I drove back the forty miles it takes to get to my house with das hubby. Back to “my other life.” For the last two years because of school, every semester my schedule doesn’t just change for classes, it changes where I sleep each night. So for right now, Sunday after I get out of work, I drive to Alan’s house. I take in my book bag, a bag of clothes for the week (to supplement the small wardrobe I already have there), and drop it on the floor of his bedroom so that I can give him a hug and a kiss.
Alan lives in a house with a roommate R. R is a friend of mine as well, though sadly we don’t seem to be as close as we used to. I think it’s part of that you’re not supposed to flirt with your roommate’s girlfriend type thing… so maybe he doesn’t think he can be my friend? I have no clue. Anyways, R smokes (Alan used to, but he quit right after I had the hysterectomy last August). He smokes down in the den, as do our friends whom smoke when they come over. I’m allergic to smoke; it gives me migraines and makes me sick to my stomach. So even when our friends come over, I can basically run downstairs, give them a hug and say a few words, and then have to leave. Basically this means that the only two parts of the house that I ever inhabit are Alan’s room and the kitchen.
I don’t really feel like I have my mark anywhere in the house. In Alan’s room there is a drawing hanging up that I made him for our anniversary this year. And some of my clothes take up a small pile next to the dresser. He’s got a teeny tiny closet, so I can’t get too much in there. I’ve got space in the bathroom for all my girl crap, and my clutter has taken over the little nightstand by my side of the bed. But it still doesn’t feel like home to me. I don’t feel like I share a home with Alan. Which is silly really, because he wants me to feel like it’s my home too. He’s totally up for us painting the walls colors we like, decorating with more of my touch, and the like…but we don’t seem to have the money or the time. At least right now. And that’s ok. It’s just, I want to feel like it’s my home too. Alan has done absolutely everything he can to try to make me feel like it’s my home too. I love going to see him, I love spending time with him. I don’t know what my problem is.
So Sunday night through Thursday morning I am with Alan. I wake up when Alan wakes up, and try to go back to sleep for just a little while longer when he leaves for work. I get up and get ready for classes. I drive to school, go to classes, drink a chai or hot chocolate, see my friends at class, and hopefully work out. Some weeks I’ll go see my mom for dinner. And at night I go back home to Alan and we snuggle in the bed with all the kitties piled on the bed with us. And he makes us dinner (yummy yummy dinner), and we watch our shows: Revolution, Face Off and Hot Set, True Blood, Game of Thrones, Elementary, Being Human, and Lost Girl. Those are our favs. I do my homework and we have Oreos and milk right before bed. We’ll go get japanese or thai food and sometimes go to the bookstore or go out somewhere. Stuffs like that. We have our own little domestic life and it’s wonderful.
And Thursday night through Sunday morning I’m at home with Scot. I work Friday-Sunday during various times. So mostly the only time I get to see him is when I get home from work. We sit on the couch for awhile, eat some dinner, pet the pets, catch up on the week, and then I eventually go off to bed. Then he’ll play his guitar for some time and eventually come to bed. You see, I’m a narcaleptic hypersomniac (which basically means it’s a miracle that I’m ever awake), and Scot is an insomniac. So we don’t normally go to bed at the same time. We give hugs and kisses before going to bed and before leaving for work in the morning. We try to get breakfast at J Christophers or Pancake House on a Sat or Sun, with a trip to PetSmart to look at the puppies and kitties. Yay! So we have our own little domestic life. It’s my house, but I’m not home very much. So when I am home I’m so exhausted that I just throw my shit all over the place. I’ve decorated some of the house, but we only have like two pictures on the walls. And I never seem to have enough time to clean…so the place is a wreck. It looks like a tornado struck it.
So I feel lost sometimes, like I don’t really belong in one place or another. Which is so stupid, because both homes should feel like home to me. I have established lives with both Scot and Alan, and I love them both so very much. I guess I just feel like I’m practically living out of my car! Will I always feel this way? Pingponging back and forth.
We all get together and spend time as a threesome (not sexually). We go see movies, have dinner, hang out at my house with Scot, go dancing, etc. I love spending time with the two of them together, but I do need alone time with each of them as well. And I know that they need their own alone time as well. I don’t think either of them would want all of us to live together… we’d probably get on each other’s nerves or something. ha!
So that’s pretty much my day to day life currently. School, therapy, working out, work, domestic life with Scot and Alan, and all that fun stuff. I’m a normal not normal at all girl. I have my everyday life. I have problems and issues just like everyone else. I try to be a good person, I try to love everyone, I try to just be the best me that I can be. I’m not perfect; most days I don’t feel like I’m really much of anything. I’m just plain ol me. I wish I was better at art, I wish I was a better writer, I wish I was prettier… blah blah blah. Ok…I’m going to stop now. No pity party for me.
Good night all. Much love, Polyleigh