Scot and I went to a club this weekend and I met this beautiful girl. She was gorgeous, smart, funny, loud (like me), and we seemed to just immediately click. It was awesome! She had a lot of questions about the poly life. She was asking about jealousy and the like. She is poly, but her husband won’t let her do anything with another girl unless he’s present. And she’s too jealous to let him do anything without her. I explained to her it takes time.
I used to be a hypocrite when I began my poly life- when Scot and I started this journey back in 1994. I was dating him and at least one other guy; and the B (the other guy) had two other girlfriends at a different college. Yet I didn’t want Scot to date anyone else. WTF was wrong with me? I was so selfish, and I feel so bad and guilty about it. He never really complained about it (at least I don’t remember him bitching about it). I was worried that I’d be jealous of whomever else he dated. What if he liked her better? All those sorts of questions. So much has happened over the years; now it seems silly to me that I would ever worry like that.
And here we are today. He had his first date with a new girl today. My nickname for her is GG. She’s really really cute and geeky and I desperately hope it goes swimmingly. He even bought her a stuffed Dalek… which I think is just the cutest thing ever! I don’t know which one of us was more excited about his date? I think he was more nervous, and I was more excited. I just kept texting him saying “I hope it rules!”
So I’ve gone from being a total hypocrite and not wanting my partners to not date, to openly encouraging and being excited about them having new fun dates. But it took a long long time. I had to recognize that my jealousy stems not from my worrying that my partner will love me less, but from my own low self-esteem. I had to learn that what I said to them…that my love won’t change just because i find love for someone else… I had to learn to accept that same logic when presented to me by my partner. It sounds like a no duh moment…but it took years and years actually.
but love and life are a journey. And sometimes it just takes us a long time to figure out its lessons. And if we’re lucky, we learn them quickly without too many backslides. But such is life.
So while I’m not perfect, and I used to be totally hypocritical, I’ve grown over the years. I hope that my experience, my slip ups along the way, etc., somehow help others along their paths (regardless of where they are in their path).
Hugs everyone! I know this wasn’t a long post; and I’m really sorry. Life has been really really difficult lately. I’ve got a lot going on in my life right now. Once things settle down just a little bit, I’ll make a much longer and meatier and awesomer post. Until then… know that I’m thinking about you all dear readers.
Much love and kisses, Polyleigh