Coming out: to yourself- part one (bisexual)

Perhaps one of the hardest things to do is to admit to yourself who you are, what you want, and what your needs and desires are. This is true if you’re straight, LGBT, into BDSM,  polyamorous, or whatever.

Maybe you didn’t realize that you felt this way. For example, I didn’t know that I would categorize myself as “bisexual” into I was in college (the first time). There are quite a few reasons for this.

I grew up always thinking girls were really really pretty and that I was attracted to them. I had NKOTB, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, and Whil Wheaton posters on the outside of my closet door. On the inside: Drew Barrymore (especially the old Guess ads that she did in the early 90s) and Alyssa Milano. I tended to keep my closet door open a lot. But I never thought anything about it. I just thought it was normal. I grew up believing that pretty much everybody thought both boys and girls were equally attractive.

I remember in my senior year art and design class, I was painting the original cover for the “Blind Faith” album (which was of a young naked red-headed girl holding an airplane) on the wall of the classroom. And yes, it was sanctioned by both the art teacher (who loved having 60s/70s album covers painted all over the place) and the principal. Well anyways, two boys asked me if I was gay because I was painting a naked girl. “Gay, I’m not gay. I’ve only dated guys! Girls are just beautiful,” I told them. It never occurred to me that you could be both.

BTW, here’s the link to the picture and story behind the Blind Faith album cover. It’s an amazing tale! Read it! http://www.angelfire.com/wi/blindfaith/vvcov69.html

I grew up around the LG community it’s before bisexuality and transgender were really on the map). I thought you were either gay/lesbian, or straight; there wasn’t really an “other” category back in the 90s (at least that I was aware of).

It wasn’t until my freshman year of college that I heard the term “bisexual.” All of a sudden the feelings and ddesires I’d been experiencing my whole life made sense!!! And even better, I found other girls to be friends with that felt the same way! I had quite a few crushes on said girl friends; but alas, it wasn’t meant to be.

It wasn’t until I was like 20-something before I kissed a girl for the first time. And it was heaven!!! It amuses me, people would ask me: “How do you know you like girls if you’ve never kissed/been with one?” Uhhh…. how do you know you’re straight until you kiss/be intimate with someone of the opposite sex? Duh! It’s the emotions, needs, wants, and desires you feel in your heart and body.

To celebrate my bisexual realization, I got my cartlidge pierced (in honor of one of the girls I really really liked). So my first coming out was at school (which was kind of easy since I was like two hours away from home).

I eventually came out to my mom and sister: mom was fairly accepting of it; as long as I married a guy and had kids And my sister, well, she’s not overly accepting of it. Then it was time to come out to my boyfriend. Thankfully he was supportive.

And that was the beginning of the rest of my life as an open bisexual woman.

Most of the people in my life know and accept and support me; it doesn’t hurt that most of my friends are either or similar ilk, or are a part of some other sub-cultured, or are just very open minded. They love me for me, and I love them for them.

——— end part one (bisexual). Next up: part two (polyamorous)

Ps… In the painting I did, I covered her breasts with her hair to keep it from being “dirty” or misconstrued as “pornography.”

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7 thoughts on “Coming out: to yourself- part one (bisexual)

  1. I enjoy your writing more and more with each update that you post. I have labelled myself as bi on OK Cupid because I have fantasized about having sex with a woman (particularly being on top and with some bondage thrown in) but I haven’t got very far at all. I kissed a girl at a gay bar once and it was okay. I’ve been watching The Real L Word and “picking out” the “types” I find most attractive, but recently I’ve been wondering if I really want girls or not. I “dated” a girl who is my friend now a couple of times, and things just didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t feel any overt attraction and I like her but not *like* her.

    Maybe I just need to be with/have the opportunity to meet someone I click with.

    • At first I just thought girls were pretty and that I wanted to make out with them (above the waist). It took a longgggg time for me to actually make love to a woman for the first time, and it was amazing!!! It’s so incredibly different than intimacy with a man. women are so soft and round and lovely. I’m not sure what my “type” of woman is? I love curvy girls, I love androgynous girls, I love really girly girls. Basically, if she’s super sweet and fun and awesome and intelligent and I would be her friend normally, the attraction will just follow along. At least in my case. And if I could find a girl friend that I could tie up and torment deliciously, well all the more fun! 😉

      Good luck sweetie! I hope you find the opportunity to explore all the aspects of you. I’m so happy that you’re allowing yourself the experience and journey.

  2. This blog was so good! It is funny that you mention the fact that you didn’t know/understand your sexuality until you were in college because most of my friends who are bisexual, gay, transgender, etc. didn’t come-out or even discover this for themselves until college. I like to say thank goodness for college because it definitely seems to be the place where people are able to learn more about themselves and come to term with who they really are.

    • I think a good part of it is that we’re away from home, and so we dont’ worry quite as much as about what our parents will think. Furthermore, in college you get the opportunity to meet people from all over the world, and with that comes a plethora of experiences, beliefs, customs, cultures, etc. And so we get the rare chance to explore lifestyles we might not have otherwise. And in my case, it’s where I actually learned the term that I identify myself with, which made me really really happy.

  3. Ooo I recognise that one… I first heard the term bisexual when I was 16 and it suddenly clicked that it was ok not to prefer one gender over another (it was quite a few years after that before I really understood more about gender non-conformity though), it was such a relief to stop being not sure who I was and just fancy people.

  4. I find many women very beautiful, but how could I not? God’s creation and all. And, if my guy and I decided to “spice” things up, I’d be good with it, (if I could get past the jealousy…it would have to be all about me! LMAO!) but seriously, I don’t think I would classify myself as bi. I don’t think of every woman I think beautiful in a sexual way, and the ones I do usually include a third person. So, what do you think, am I in denial? 🙂

    • I think you realize the beauty in others. Now whether you view women in a sexual way is another story dear dmcates. But rather than trying to label yourself as “bi” or not, think more along the lines of whether or not you find a particular person attractive and desirable, funny and smart. I am attracted to the individual for who they are, not for their sex. There is so much more to attraction, for me anyways, then just what’s in between their legs.

      so think about it. Truly consider the person. Allow yourself the possibility that you just might connect with someone that you might not have if you denied yourself based off of some label.

      Hope this reply helps you at least some.

      Hugs and kisses,
      Polyleigh

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